The Seasons are Changing

Fall is coming and I cannot be more excited. The crisp air, the early nights, the beautiful trees... it's all around the corner.  Fall can be a wonderful time of football and festivals, but unfortunately it can also be a time of depression.  As much as I love the cooler weather (considering I live in South Carolina, where it's way too hot), I tend to become a bit more moody during this time of the year.  I have already noticed the change in my body, even before the tempterature told me it was arriving.  I urge you to keep a watch out on your friends and family members; especially if they have any type of mental disorders.  There actually is a condition that most psychiatrists refer to as Seasonal Affective Disorder.  It affects more women than men, but the symptoms in men are oftentimes more severe.  If you start getting the "blues", then it may be a good time to consult a doctor or just try to better prepare yourself for the coming months.  Keep yourself occupied with something you enjoy... that's what I do.  I love to blog or play guitar or just spend time with my wife.  I do my best to stay strong.  I hope everyone can enjoy this Fall and I hope you all have a wonderful day.  Until next time.
-Will

Note: If anyone has any advice or personal questions for me, you are more than welcome to contact me! Thanks!

Reference: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195

Took a Break for a While...

I'm back everyone!  Sorry it took so long for me to continue my blog.  I had a strange last few months.  My mind does like to play tricks on me after all!  I just want to say that I do have a beautiful mind.  I'm not saying that in a conceited or self-righteous way, I just mean that we all do.  You have a wonderful, capable mind, regardless if you suffer from schizophrenia or if you don't suffer at all.  Society leads us to believe that if we do not conform, then we are outcasts.  Well I say: Let us be outcasts!  Let us go into the world without the inhibitions of the world.  Let go for a little while and be yourself!  Believe it or not, everyone has "crazy" thoughts every now and again.  Everyone... I guarantee it.  As long as those thoughts do not involve any physical or mental harm, then chances are, they are creative ideas. I know you've sat there daydreaming about a seemingly unconventional way to make money, or a fun party game that some people might laugh at.  We all do... heck I'll be the first to admit it.  I have been spending a lot of time making sure that people around me know that although I'm "sick", I can still think for myself... and I encourage you to do the same. Let's make this world a better place.   -Will

Fight the Fight

Happy 4th of July everyone! Sorry I haven't been posting lately. I have been battling some episodes on and off for the last few weeks. Instead of continuing my story today, I want to take this post in a little different direction. I want to say to all the sufferers out there: Stay strong, and regardless of what the future looks like, it WILL get brighter. We all have issues. I don't want this blog to turn into a sob story. I only feel that people need to be educated in order to understand. The general population of the world has no idea of the struggles of mental illness. If only Hollywood and the mainstream media could stop making mental illness look like a violent, destructive thing, then maybe, just maybe people would begin to be able to see past the stigma. I know it's not easy. Guess what? It's not easy for those watching someone suffer either. To the spouse, or parent, or friend, it's a feeling of watching their friend's mind and reality break down before their very eyes... and the hardest part about it? There is seemingly nothing you can do. That's an erroneous conclusion though. In fact, the sooner your loved one gets help, the more likely that they will come out safe and sound. To put it bluntly, life isn't fair, and we have to play the cards we are dealt. If we can't fight to abolish the stigma, at least we can battle the warped minds of those who suffer. Remember that we are all human beings and deserve the same love and understanding that a "normal" person does. Let's fight! You are the director of your own movie. It's up to you to determine how it turns out. Keep keeping on friends.
-Will

A Rough Path Toward Recovery

Hello friends,
I would like to continue my story and hopefully offer some encouragement. Let's begin. After I came home from the hospital, I begin to battle with the social stigma of Schizophrenia very badly, not to mention, it was a living nightmare. I began to turn to drugs and alcohol as a form of self-medication. I constantly stayed high, just to make this unnatural world, seem ok. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I "thought" it was making me better. I began dating my wife at this time and I thank God that she stuck it out through all of this mess that I was in. I began drinking cough syrup and indulging in various "legal highs", which are not any safer than their illegal counterparts. Trust me. Eventually, my parents and sister found the empty bottles and poured them out in my intervention. I denied it of course, got angry and stormed out. That didn't stop the abuse. I began having more seizures, and I knew the next dangerous side effect would be death. One day I went through a typical ritual to prepare the drugs, and I settled in for a regular trip. By this point, I had asked my girlfriend to marry me, and we were supposed to have the wedding in a few weeks. That night, while the drug was kicking in, we went to put the deposit down on our first apartment. That's when it turned ugly. I went home and didn't feel very well, so I lied down for bed. The next thing I knew, I was in a full blown, drug induced psychosis. I was in the hospital for three days, and for a full 24 hours, I was in a comatose state. I had a delusion that the rapture was happening because I put the final piece of the puzzle together... which was me doing the drugs. I felt that I was vital to Jesus coming back. Slowly I came to the erroneous realization (thank God), that I was in hell. I thought the hospital was a hallucination, and I was waiting for the demons to drag me away. I remember crying out in the bed, saying, "Oh God, I'm so sorry! Please give me one more chance! I'll quit this stuff! I promise!". My fiancee came in and I fully expected her to end our relationship right there. (I figured if it wasn't a hallucination, I might as well do what I could to make things better.) Part of me believed she was real, and the other half... well, not so much.  Amazingly she stuck it out, and although the wedding was postponed, we still got married. Unfortunately for me though, it took about six weeks for the delusions to completely disappear. I finally realized I was alive! Oh man, it felt great! This was the moment I knew I had to change. I had to help myself, not destroy my life. I could see the path to recovery, but I knew there was some very hard work ahead of me. Until next time.
-Will

Is This My Destiny?

Hello, I want to continue my story in hopes of people finding encouragement and understanding for those struggling with schizophrenic disorders. I was first formally diagnosed during my first hospitalization. The hospital was a shock for me. At the time, I was not sure what I had... I just knew that I could not go on like this. I was living at home at the time and was very depressed. It was more than a simple melancholy feeling... I wanted to die. In fact, I remember telling my parents that if they didn't let me go to the hospital I would kill myself. My parents were not in favor of traditional medicine, and instead completely relied on their faith. Now don't get me wrong, I am a Christian, but I feel that medicine has it's place also. Long story short, I admitted myself into the psychiatric ward. I was hearing voices and would constantly see things in my peripheral vision. The hospital scared me. I felt out of place, but that was mainly because I didn't know what I was experiencing. I was terrified. I remember lying in my bed, thinking to myself, "is this my destiny?". Fortunately I responded well to the medication... at first. I was taking Invega and finally was able to socialize again. Then, out of the blue, I had a seizure. I hadn't had one in about five years. It was a long quest to find the medication that worked and didn't give me horrendous side effects. After the seizure, I was transferred to the Intensive Care Unit and was thankfully discharged from the Psychiatric Ward. When I came home, I was "greeted" by my family telling me it was all in my head, and I could just overcome by willing it away. For those of you who have a family member with mental illness. Please, please do not think this is the case. If we could "will it away", we would. The road ahead of me was long and arduous, but I began to obtain the will to survive.. and survive I would. Now don't think this is a sob story, but I want to show you what we go through before I tell the end of this journey. Keep keeping on friends.
-Will

Hello Everyone

Hello everybody, my name is Will. I have a few goals in this blog. I want to help lift the stigma of mental illness from society, and I want to provide help for those struggling. I want my first post to be a sort of introduction to myself and the illness, so here goes. I was 17 when I was first diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and later that was changed to Schizoaffective. They are both Schizophrenic disorders but with a couple variations. Schizophrenia is marked by disorganized thoughts, hallucinations of all five senses, and delusions or paranoia. That is a generalization though, as many sufferers only have to cope with a couple of those issues. I won't get into all of the details now, but Schizoaffective is practically Schizophrenia combined with Bipolar disorder. Could you imagine, for a second, looking at the world through warped glasses... an LSD trip gone bad, but it lasts right on and on. That's the best way I know to describe it. I was a troubled child, despite growing up in a loving home, with two, happily married parents. I constantly was looking for an escape. Reality was too hard. The older I got, the more I found out that my reality was not that of my family and friends. It was too difficult because I thought it was normal, when it clearly was not. I only realized this after many conversations with my cousins about my thought process. I joined the Army at 18 and was discharged after three short months for a past seizure disorder and "possible Bipolar with psychotic symptoms". As time went on, I chose to see a therapist, who after a few sessions, recommended me to the Mental Health Department. I felt destroyed... was I a freak? What was going on in my body? It was a strange time for me, but I'll save that story for next time. Thanks for reading and God bless you.
-Will